Adventure Child: Lady Leather

Flying off on my big adventure with my tall man, imagine how torn I am when I realise that I signed myself up for just over 18 hours in the air... when I have a beautiful fear of flying.

Its weird how my craving for a new place took over my fear of plummeting to my death in a big metal bird.

Now I know I have already shared with you my glam #FlyStyle in "Keep calm and carry on" but lets be honest... this isn't actually how it goes down.

I start off all prim and proper with my very carefully planned carry on bag, I'm telling you now that nothing has shown me just how impractical I am like this chapter of our trip.
If I could go back in time and smack myself upside the head, I would.

So lets just pick the contents of my carry on to bits while narrating my awesome first part of my holiday.

Chocolate- Really? I'm sitting for 9.5 hours (with Hawaiian Airlines who hand out chocolates 4 times during the flight) before a 3 hour stop in Hawaii (where I'm surrounded in vending machines and intense heat where said chocolate just melts instantly) before I get to New York... and don't get me started on the food there.
I did not need chocolate.

The cute and super organised looking travel wallet. Im a straight up dork! Thats exactly what i realised every single time i pulled out my efficient looking (concentrate on the word "looking") travel wallet and fumbled around in it before dropping it and holding up a huge line of people, who managed to just hold a ticket and passport and not look like a challenged chubby runway wannabe (keep in mind that BK is in a prime location of Auckland airport departures- how can i not?), ill touch on the runway comment later but lets just say... don't be me, hold your ticket and passport like a normal person, with a normal brain.

The lady inspiring book. I can 100% confirm that although I have read this book, I didn't even open it on any of the 8 flights I boarded, and why would I? With my horrible flying nerves and the endless hours of the worst entertainment on the planet, I didn't have time. Can you also believe that i had no elbow room to even attempt to open it? never mind turn a page... actually when i went to get it out of my bag i noticed i was squished between my 7'1 giant of a lover, a small, small window that we are told to keep open on take off and landing incase we crash and they need to peak in (cheers to the person that told me that before my flight- you good sir,  are a treat!) and the man in front of me that needed to have a snooze... on my lap. I ended up having a small panic attack in my seat gasping for fresh air and trying to tell everyone looking at me that although I look like I'm a "Theres no phalanges on this plane" kinda girl, that I'm actually just all ok and I just dropped something. My second attempt at getting my book was in mid air where I tried to yoga myself in half to reach for the book... I legit got stuck. Apologies to anyone who came in contact with me when we finally landed.

Highlighters. Seriously doubleyouteeEF? In my mind I really thought thats what I would need to look fresh after 18 hours in a pressure cooker, highlighter!!!... Something to let the light bounce off my face ever so radiantly. Im laughing at myself... I wasn't even on the wines! I wish I packed ALL my makeup because by the time I got to glamorous NYC I needed a total reconstruction and adding highlighter to an already oily yet dry mess I called a face was not going to do anything for the good... in fact I tried it and I looked like I dipped my head in the yucky hand cream they have in public toilets. So yeah that was that.

Lip Balm. Great idea... I never would have imagined I would shove it in and around (thats what she said) my nose. How did the inside of my nostrils become the most dried out part of my body?

Hand moisturiser. This was a stupid idea but became a good idea for a stupid reason mid flight.
Ill elaborate on this at the same time that I stress the fact that the only thing that was on the money in my carry on was a sensible change of clothes. Sensible... I've changed.

The real lesson is DO NOT WEAR LEATHER SHORTS ON A FLIGHT. Prancing around the airport in my leather shorts and  baggy woollen jumper I thought I was celeb chic with my airport style... until my body has been hot then cold numerous times and my shorts are now human cling wrap mid flight! Naturally I used my moisturiser to try and aid my leather shorts from sticking to my bum, legs, lady region and waist... and naturally it didn't work.
To add insult to injury there was turbulence and I was trying to do this in my seat, at one point my partner thought it looked like I was joining the mile high club ON MY OWN... then from all the wriggling I became hot... and sweaty.... Resulting in me tearing at the neckline of my oh so cosy jumper and slip and sliding around in my shorts until we landed.

A cotton T-shirt and shorts have never been so welcomed.

FiveFootFollow me @fivefootnothingau

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